Tripping the Night Fantastic – Chapter 8

Jane quietly unlocked the front door to her house and peered in. The house seemed to be empty. She went in. She tiptoed over to the kitchen, trying to prevent her feet from making a sound, and lightly opened the door a crack. She looked through and panned across the room. It was empty. She…

It’s FREE! The Accidental Scoundrel is FREE!!

The Accidental Scoundrel is free right now. If you don’t already have it, get it. Kindle e-reader, kindle app on your phone, go to Amazon, download it for free. Read it. Laugh. Go back to Amazon and tell the fucking world how brilliant it is. Do it now. Go on. It’s free. What else are…

Tripping the Night Fantastic – Chapter 7

Hangovers can be held responsible for many forgotten things, for example; the location of your car, the whereabouts of your phone, and sometimes; the location of your eyebrows, and even, on very rare occasions; your own location. Charlie wondered this now. He didn’t recognize the ceiling. This isn’t normally something he would notice, and for…

The Incredible* News of Large Scale Chicken Cloning

I was on the phone to my brother, David. “How are there enough chickens?” says David, quite unexpectedly following immediately after a deep and difficult conversation about a psychopath’s attempt to kill him by un-bolting the suspension on his truck (but that’s a story for another day). “What do you mean?” I say, looking at…

Tripping the Night Fantastic – Chapter 2

Knock, Knock, Knock. Simon waited for a few seconds. Bang! Bang! Bang! Inside Charlie’s apartment something stirred under a bed sheet. Bang! Bang! Bang! ‘Charlie!’ Charlie opened his eyes, a little confused and world weary thanks to a large bottle of Jack Daniels the night before. Bang! Bang! Bang! ‘Charlie! Open the door!’ Charlie sat…

Tripping the Night Fantastic – Chapter 1

A monster, of indescribable horror – ravaged by booze and lack of sleep – sat at his laptop. Charlie Deavon; an unholy disgrace, stained shirt, stained boxer shorts, wild hair, harassed unshaved face, a dying cigarette hanging from his mouth, and on his desk beside his laptop, the potion that keeps his appearance so ruggedly…

When Kids Ruled the World

I had a terrible realisation recently. I think I might be 11. And there’s a good chance you are too.  Let me explain. I remember my dad when he was in his thirties, as I am now. And I remember, very distinctly, that he was a proper grown up. He knew what he was doing….

Did a Ghost just fly out of this Trumpet?

(Video of ghost at bottom of post) I don’t believe in ghosts. Let’s start with that. I have recently moved into the house my mother grew up in. 5 generations of my family have lived in this house over the years. We haven’t always owned the house, and there was a gap of about 40…

Lord Rochdale and the Station Hop Robbery (a short story)

It is my understanding that a train is a sort of stubborn bus. I’ve never seen one myself. I stood on a station once and waited to see one, to see what all the fuss was about, but was sadly distracted by a pair of mating pigeons. I heard it go by and turned quickly…

Unified Field Theory of Pointless Moodiness

Trying to relieve stress with logic is like trying to put out a fire by explaining water to it. Yet here I am, thinking my way into happiness. When my siblings and I were teenagers my dad banned the word “stress” in the house insisting that there was no such thing. Especially if you’re a…

Three Words, Do Not Share (the Bird…)

When I started writing me and a friend, Danny, used to text each other three words and then we would have to write a short story about those things. For instance, one text said, “Goat, money, burgers.” Another one said, “My son, a sausage, 99 encyclopaedias.” We would have one day to write each story…