A Bit About Audiobooks, Some News, And A New Cover!

I love audiobooks. I love them. There are so many books I wouldn’t have read if it wasn’t for all those strange audiobook producers who sit endlessly in front of a microphone reading. War and Peace was over 60 hours of audio. Some poor bastard had to read the whole thing. But thank god they…

Audiobook Announcement!

I have some exciting news… The Accidental Scoundrel is being turned into an audiobook! I will go into this in more detail in a later blog post, this is just a quicky to share my excitement. I love audiobooks. I have listened to hundreds of them over the years so the chance to hear my…

Gross Food Challenge

I have a YouTube channel. Well, my daughter (Kassidy) and I have a YouTube channel. For the past two years we’ve been writing a kids book together called Tommy, God of the Island of Wonder, which we finally completed a few weeks ago. It’s a comedy about a boy called Tommy who, having just blown…

The Incredible* News of Large Scale Chicken Cloning

I was on the phone to my brother, David. “How are there enough chickens?” says David, quite unexpectedly following immediately after a deep and difficult conversation about a psychopath’s attempt to kill him by un-bolting the suspension on his truck (but that’s a story for another day). “What do you mean?” I say, looking at…

The State of Great Britain

I’m recovering from a terrible hangover. When looking back over the events of 2016 I came across the news of Toblerone shrinking by ten percent. I went out to buy one to find out if the rumours were true, thinking it was surely a sick hoax. I got back home and sat at my dining…

The Accidental Scoundrel – the book launch and trailer

They said it would never happen. But nobody knows who They are and so it happened anyway. The Accidental Scoundrel is finally coming out. And everybody screamed with delight. Mark it in your diary, send postcards to your family, rethink your will, giggle in front of your friends, and high five yourself. In the face….

When Kids Ruled the World

I had a terrible realisation recently. I think I might be 11. And there’s a good chance you are too.  Let me explain. I remember my dad when he was in his thirties, as I am now. And I remember, very distinctly, that he was a proper grown up. He knew what he was doing….

And should not be at the beginning of this sentence.

I don’t know what the key to this whole writing thing is. I’ve spent the last fifteen years trying to find out. I must have read fifty books on the subject. I think maybe its clarity. So much writing is just filler, or confusing sentence structures. It becomes a kind of music. I know I…

The Drinker’s Fallacy

I might need to apologise in the morning, but…   Is this a poem? –   I stood in my kitchen staring at the floor, so many gatherings happened here, and now I am hungry and the kitchen is empty.   Or just a sentence that has fallen down a stair case? Splitting a sentence…

The Obscene and Criminal Malice Inflicted by Time

You know when you lose your TV remote and it drives you crazy. You look everywhere. You search frantically, chucking the pillows off the couch and lifting it up to look underneath. You check under newspapers and lift up the rug. How can it have disappeared? It’s a TV remote! After looking everywhere you finally…